The most costly sentence in leadership

There are plenty of seriously expensive sentences in a business. “We missed the deadline.” “The customer has gone elsewhere.” “We need to do it all again.”

However, one sentence may be more expensive than all of them:

“I thought they got what I meant.”

A manager explains what needs to happen. The presentation must be ready by Friday, the customer needs a faster response, or the team has to take more responsibility. Everyone around the table nods politely. Nobody really objects and absolutely nobody asks any questions.

The manager happy leaves the room believing that the message was perfectly clear.

All good, then? Well, not really.

Three days later, the result is late, incomplete or entirely different from what was expected. That is when the manager says: “But thought they got what I meant.”

Communication does not take place simply because you have finished speaking. It takes place when the correct meaning has arrived in somebody else’s mind. Those are not the same things.

One message can create several meanings

Imagine a manager saying: “We need to move faster.”

Fair enough. But now watch what happens. One person interprets this as an instruction to stop messing around and decide something. Another assumes it’s about energy and greater involvement from the team. A third? The process must be improved to avoid mistakes.

Most leaders underestimate how much intel hides inside their own heads. They know the history, the priorities and what happened the last time something similar went down. They know exactly what “faster” means, which shortcuts are acceptable and which specific corners must never ever be cut.

The employee, on the other hand, may have received only the two last sentences in a longwinded intrinsical loop in the managers brain.

Nodding proves very little (if anything at all)

People nod for all sorts of reasons. They may understand what you mean, but they may also simply think they understand. They may not want to appear slow, they may disagree without wanting an argument or they may simply be waiting to get out of the room.

This is why one of the most common questions in leadership is also one of the least useful:

“Do you understand?”

Very few people will say no. This does not necessarily mean that they are dishonest. They may sincerely believe that their interpretation is the correct one.

Instead of asking people whether they understand, ask them to demonstrate what they have understood. For example:

• “Before we finish, tell me what you are taking away from this.”
• “What will you do first?”
• “What does a good result look like to you?”
• “What have we decided, and what will happen when you leave this room?”

These questions do not test whether people were listening. They reveal whether your intended meaning actually arrived.

They may add two minutes to the meeting, but they can prevent several days of wasted work.

When “just get it done” is not an instruction

Consider a Red leader (see Surrounded by Idiots or Surrounded by Bad Bosses) who ends a discussion by saying: “Just get it done.”

The Yellow employee hears freedom and assumes there is room to improvise wildly. The Green employee hears pressure and starts worrying about disappointing the leader. The Blue employee hears an alarming absence of useful information and begins digging up the details that were never provided.

Three days later, the Red leader is astonished by the lack of result. All hell breaks loose.

The problem was that much of the instruction existed only inside the leader’s head.

What seems obvious to you is often obvious because you already possess all the missing information. You know the context, the risks, the priorities and the desired result. The other person knows only what you have actually said.