What silence actually means to Red, Yellow, Green and Blue

I would argue that silence is one of the most overinterpreted things in human communication.

Someone presents an idea. Nobody says anything. It’s easy to assume everyone agrees.

A partner asks, “Is everything all right?” The other person says nothing. The conclusion is immediate: something is definitely wrong.

Perhaps. But silence does not have one meaning. It can mean agreement, irritation, caution, confusion, concentration or simply that someone has absolutely nothing useful to add. Or a hangover.

The problem begins when we interpret somebody else’s silence based on our own behaviour.

When Red goes quiet

Red people are not generally famous for sitting quietly while everyone else discusses the issue for another forty-five minutes. So, when a Red becomes silent, it often means something is going on.

Maybe they already have made up their mind. Or lost patience with the discussion. Or trying extremely hard not to blurt out what they really think.

Ask: “Have you already decided what you think we should do?”

There is a strong possibility they have.

When Yellow goes quiet

It’s a paradox, I know. But a quiet Yellow can mean several things. They may be bored, offended or mentally attending a completely different meeting.

Yellows often think out loud. Silence can therefore mean that they no longer feel invited into the conversation, or that the energy in the room has went out the window.

It can also mean they are preparing a story that will take twelve minutes and have very little to do with the original question.

Ask: “What are you thinking?”

Then strap yourself.

When Green goes quiet

Green silence is often mistaken for agreement.

This is highly dangerous.

A Green person may remain silent to prevent conflict, embarrassment or need more time to understand how the decision will affect other people.

They may object strongly and still say absolutely nothing in the room.

The resistance appears later, usually in a smaller conversation with someone they trust.

Ask: “What concerns have we not talked about yet?”

Then wait. Schhh …

When Blue goes quiet

A silent Blue is nothing to worry about as they only talk when they have something to say. They may be analysing, comparing, checking or wondering how the rest of the room can possibly be convinced with so little information.

They are not necessarily disengaged. Quite the opposite. They may be working harder than anyone else. You just can’t see it.

The trouble is that by the time they have formulated the perfect question, the meeting has moved on to something completely different.

Ask: “What are we missing?”

You may not enjoy the answer, but you will probably need it.

Silence needs a follow-up question

The point is not that every Red, Yellow, Green or Blue behaves in exactly the same way. People are obviously more complicated than that. But silence should never be treated as evidence.

Not of agreement. Not of understanding. Not of support.

The next time a room goes quiet, resist the temptation to explain the silence yourself.

Instead ask what it means.

Do you know someone whose silence is constantly misunderstood?

Forward this to the people who keep guessing.