You’re probably not coming across the way you think you are

The problem is that everyone else only sees your behaviour but not your intentions.

Here’s a slightly uncomfortable thought: You know what you meant. Other people only know what you did.

You thought you were being efficient. They thought you were impatient.

You thought you were being enthusiastic. They wondered how many espressos you consumed before the meeting.

You thought you were being careful and thorough. They thought: Will this person ever make a decision?

And you thought you were being calm and accommodating. They were quietly wondering if you had any opinions own you one – at all.

This is one of the biggest blind spots in human behaviour. As the old saying goes, often attributed to Stephen Covey, we judge ourselves by our intentions, while others judge us by our behaviour.

Somewhat unfair, wouldn’t you say?

But that’s how communication works. Your intentions tend to stay inside your head. Only you fully understand how brilliant these thoughts really are. Your behaviour is what unfortunately escapes into the room. And once it has escaped, you no longer control it.

That is why self-awareness is more tricky than it sounds. Looking in the mirror is helpful, sure, but you’re still looking through your own eyes.