The awkward art of small talk

Small talk: Why it exists (and why maybe you hate it)

Is small talk a social trap we all fall into?

Well, maybe.

It can sometimes be like polite quicksand.

The weather. The traffic. The debatable state of the coffee machine in the break room. Obvious things such as the lousy economy. Some negative neighbour. Or just about anything that frankly isn’t all that interesting.

Nothing that actually matters – but somehow the rules of society demand that we pretend it does.

Some people love it.

Some people tolerate it.

And some people would rather fake a phone call or hide in the bathroom than endure another minute of it.

But what’s actually going on here? We need small talk. It’s like stretching before a workout – maybe you don’t love it, but it probably saves you from injury. Small talk is the same. It builds a bridge before you walk over it. Or burn it.

The trick is to know why it’s so awkward – and to get a little better at it. Here’s a couple of things to keep in mind:

Common small talk types (and how to handle them):

1. The Over-Sharer
   • Will tell you about their son’s recent surgery before you’ve even exchanged names.
   • How to handle: Nod. Smile. Move slowly toward the door.
2. The One-Word-Responser
   • “How’s it going?” – “Fine.”
   • “How was your weekend?” – “Good.”
   • “Plans for the summer?” – “No.”
   • How to handle: It isn’t getting any smaller than this. Accept that this is a dead-end. Pivot or escape.
3. The Echo
   • Just repeats what you say, like a human parrot.
   • “Nice weather, right?” – “Yeah, nice weather.”
   • “Busy day?” – “Yeah, very busy day.”
   • Know anyone here? – “No, do you know anyone here?”
   • How to handle: Consider becoming a mime artist.
4. The Personal Space Invader
   • Steps just a little too close. Breathes garlic in your face a little too loudly. Makes too much eye contact.
   • How to handle: Back away. If they follow, you’re in trouble.

Quick tip:

Small talk is a dance. If the other person steps back, you step forward. If they lean in, you back up. It’s not about the words – it’s about the rhythm. Like a dance. You don’t have to play along, but sometimes it’s actually smart to at least give it a try.

And when it gets uninteresting – which it will – you just move on. It’s part of the game. Everybody knows this.

A colourful moment:

At a book signing, a man leaned in, shook my hand, and said:

“I loved your book. I read it in one sitting.”

I said, “Wow, thank you.”

He said, “Yeah, my wife made me read it. She says I’m the idiot.”

I said, “Well, at least now you’re an educated idiot.”

He just stared.

And then walked away.

See you next Wednesday.
//Thomas