Cognitive dissonance: the mind’s way of lying to itself

Ever heard someone say “I’m not a smoker” while holding a cigarette? That is actually not hypocrisy. That is though psychology.

Cognitive dissonance is when our actions and beliefs don’t match – so we bend the truth to make ourselves feel better. Because we too often do things we know we shouldn’t do.

It’s uncomfortable to admit we’re wrong, inconsistent, or irrational or sometimes just did something really, really stupid.

So, the brain saves us. Smooths the whole unpleasant event over completely.

“I only smoke when I drink.”
“I hate drama, but some people need to be told the truth.”
“I’m not late – I just value, ehrm, flexibility.”

I do it sometimes. You do it sometimes. Your partner does it all the time.
Not because we’re bad people – but because we’re wired for mental comfort, not logic.

Quick tip:

Feeling uncomfortable after a decision?
Don’t rush to explain it away. Instead: Sit in it.
That tension you feel? That’s your brain trying to protect your self-image.

But it’s also a signal.

The truth often lives just underneath the excuse.

A colourful moment:

At a book signing In Amsterdam, a man leaned in across the table.
Lowered his voice, like he was about to confess something heavy. This happens to me a lot, and I sure got curious. He said:

“You know, I only yell at my wife because I care so much.”

I looked around us. Only women around the table. I said … “Interesting strategy.”

He smiled, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes.
There was a pause – that small, awkward pause where his brain tried to make a new story to cover the old one.

“I mean … it’s passion, right?”

I didn’t say anything.

Sometimes silence does the job.

Finally, he laughed quietly to himself. “Yeah. That sounded better in my head.”

See you next Wednesday.
//Thomas