The science of being (un)likeable

We all know someone who can walk into a room and have 20 new friends by the end of the night. And then there are those people who can turn a birthday party into a tense courtroom drama just by showing up.

It’s not magic.
It’s not pheromones.
It’s behaviour.

I would suggest, most people are likable – until they start talking. Here are the ones you need to avoid:

Common traits of the instantly unlikeable:

1. The Interrupter
   • Can’t wait for you to finish your sentence. Probably doesn’t even see the point.
   • Believes conversations are competitive sports.
   • Motto: “That reminds me of a time when I …”
   • How to handle: You are not there to educate them. Let them talk. Then leave. They probably won’t notice anyway.
2. The One-Upper
   • If you climbed a hill, they climbed a mountain.
   • If you ran 10k, they ran a marathon. Backwards. In snow. Chased by an alligator.
   • How to handle: Smile. Nod. Resist the urge to ask for evidence.
3. The Over-Explainer
   • Believes everyone needs a 10-minute background before they get to the point.
   • Has PowerPoint slides in their head at all times.
   • How to handle: Escape before they hit slide 3.
4. The Complainer
   1. Has a problem for every solution.
   2. Can suck the life out of a room faster than a broken air conditioner.
   3. How to handle: Ask open-ended questions to see if it is a pattern or just a single topic. Agree quickly. Then look for someone else.

Quick tip:

If you’re not sure if you’re being unlikeable, here’s a trick:
Listen twice as much as you speak.
And if you catch yourself about to say, “Well, actually…” – stop.

People like people who lets them speak. Good to take home.

A colourful moment:
At a media conference in Riga, Latvia, a man came up to me and said,

“I’ve read all your books. Twice. But you missed a few things.”
I said, “Really? Like what?”
He said, “Well, for starters, you never mention people like me.”
I hesitated for five seconds, and said, “Oh, I definitely do.”
He just stared at me.
Then started explaining.

Very correct.
Very unself-aware.
Very on-brand.

See you next Wednesday.
//Thomas